Rafael Behr

Things I had forgotten about having a tiny baby*

1. The law of finite comfort.

This is the immutable law of childcare that says there is only ever a fixed amount of comfort in any room. If you are sitting in a cosy armchair and your newborn baby is crying that is because you have taken up too much comfort.

You can test this law by carrying the baby up and down the stairs until your back aches and your arms are in spasm. The baby calms down and sometimes even falls asleep.

Then ease yourself very gently back into the armchair. Or even just perch on the edge of the chair. The comfort you thus achieve will drain instantly away from the placated infant and he/she will wake up and start crying again. Works every time.

(See also: the altitude law of crying babies. They prefer it when you are standing up. Why? Don't ask. It's the law.)

*Yes. We had a baby. A Girl. Hence not much blogging recently.

In which I get all local community-minded and activist, for a bit

Hackney Council appear to have ruined my local playground. They refurbished it, tearing down all the fun things that little children played on and replacing them with rubbish things that even Spiderman would struggle to scale.

I am cross.

I have captured a bee, poked it a lot, teased it and called it names, fed it sweets until it is really over-excited and then released it into my bonnet. I have written letters.

I might get political. Or I might relapse into apathy.

Meanwhile, I will tag this post with phrases like Clissold Park new playground and rubbish. Then people google searching 'does anyone else think the new playground in Clissold Park is rubbish?' will be directed here and we will harness the power of the web to make the world better for kiddies.

(Next week: I fret about fried chicken-related litter. Week after: I take on the gangs.)